like and love

Grumpy and tired, I move around the house like a bad storm cloud just ready to strike someone at any point in time. My daughter screamed at me all day, and honestly, I wanted to scream too. Sometimes I feel like holding it all in is just too much. I want to be like my little girl and just scream at the top of my lungs - get my feelings all out in the open.

"Maybe you should."

I thought I need to control my self, my feelings. For you and for others. Be a light. Change the atmosphere.

"The only way to control your feelings is to give them all to me. You never have to hide anything from me."

I always do. Try to hide and take back my thoughts and my feelings. I don't want you to be ashamed of me. I want you to be pleased with me, love me, like me. I want to be the daughter you love and you like. Sometimes those are not mutually exclusive. There's been many people I love, but haven't liked. I want to be both for you - liked AND loved.

"You are truly precious to me."

I want to not feel like this. I want to snap out of it. I want to fully realize how truly good my life is, even the things that aren't how I expected - they're better, and it's all because of You. I'm grateful, but I still get bogged down by all these emotions and feelings and unmet expectations and shear laziness.

"Come back to me. Focus on me. Give it to me. I want you - all of you. I'll make it better."

But I get scared because every time I give you somethings it's not immediately better. It's not the quick fix that I want, and sometimes it appears as though it's getting worse. I get scared to hand things over to you.

"I have to get to the root. If I don't, we will have to deal with it all over again. I want you healed as quickly as possible."

And the fastest way possible to heal me is...?

"Love. I'll love you well. I'll woo you to me again."